"Confess your sins one to another and pray for each other so that you may be healed." ~ James 5:16
We all have secrets. Some of them are darker than others and some secrets only God knows.
Over the past couple of months, God has been working on my heart to share my secret.
I cringe writing this because it's a secret I never thought I'd share with anyone let alone everyone.
It was a secret that only God knew. A secret from which He alone delivered me.
A secret I was happy to keep to myself. Praising Him but never revealing to the world the work He had done in me.
That is, until a few weeks ago when I was spending time with Him.
During that time Jesus pointed out that continuing to keep my secret a "secret" would be prideful simply because I was doing so only to preserve my reputation.
Rather than protecting my ego, Jesus has asked me to testify about the mighty work He has done in me and glorify HIM.
Trust me, this is hard.
Everything in my flesh says, "Don't say it!"
But friends, God calls us to die to ourselves.
Here's the thing, truly loving and following Jesus isn't about making ourselves look good. It's about picking up our cross and following Him...wherever He leads us.
And this is where He has led me. A place of humility and honesty about my past and I believe He is asking me to share my darkest secret because there are others who will be set free because of it.
So here it is.
For most of my life, I was attracted to boys AND girls. Yep. You heard me. Growing up I was attracted to women and men and I often wondered what it would be like to date a woman.
It's not something I ever thought I'd admit. But God saw everything.
One night, a few years back, I laid in the darkness of my room with sinful thoughts crashing through my mind and I finally cried out to Jesus for help.
"Lord, please, I beg you, help me with this. I know this is wrong, your Word says so, but I can't fight this or shake this in my own strength."
As I laid there crying out to Jesus, God heard my prayers and not only did He hear them, He answered them.
From that moment on things started to change. I was no longer fighting the battle of sin on my own. I felt a renewed sense of power to resist the devil. For about three days after that, the enemy returned to tempt me and Jesus helped me to say NO each time.
After that first week, I was completely FREED. I am not just talking about a little deliverance, I am talking about COMPLETE FREEDOM.
A NEW CREATION.
The sinful thoughts and desires that once plagued my mind and heart suddenly seemed absolutely repulsive and unrecognizable.
Jesus had transformed me!
For years I praised Him in secret. I thanked Him regularly in my innermost being but I never uttered a word to the world.
He had changed me and delivered me and I was forever grateful.
Now, He is asking me to share my testimony with you and with others because there are Christians stuck in secret sin and many more who are starting to believe that homosexuality is "normal" and acceptable and it's NOT.
This month Lauren Daigle got into hot waters on a radio show by saying she wasn't sure if homosexuality was a sin. I've had a few conversations with people about it and I've held a clear stance that, "Yes, it is a sin because the Bible tells me so." But people would respond and say, "Hmmm, I am not so sure, I think people are born that way." And there wasn't much more I could say to that.
At the time I couldn't share my testimony because I was still in the closet about my past. Now, however, I can freely answer, "No, people are not born that way. It's a temptation and it's demonic and I know because I lived it and Jesus freed me FROM IT!"
Friends, can you relate? Are you holding onto something dark that only God knows about?
Maybe it's not the same sin, but whatever it is, God wants to free you from it and use it for His GLORY!
Here are THREE things that Jesus wants you to know about the sin that may be plaguing your inner being.
- He sees it. You can't hide anything from God. Confess it to Him and REPENT.
- He can and will free you from it if you wholeheartedly pursue Him and sincerely follow through with step #1.
- Once He frees you from it, He can use your mess to bring Him GLORY.
Friends, I started out this journey asking, "Lord, how could I ever share this? What will people think of me?"
Now, as I have continued to press into Jesus and spend time with Him, He has transformed my heart, renewed my mind and restored my soul.
Now I ask myself, "How could I not?"
Sister, whatever it is you are going through. Whatever it is you are hiding, there is FREEDOM in Jesus.
You are a daughter of the KING.
YOU ARE who HE SAYS You are.
YOU ARE A NEW CREATION IN CHRIST.
With Love,
Kristin
