"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." ~ Psalm 147:3
I have an ADULT question to ask you...
What is something that no one else knows or that you've told only one or two people?
Are you cringing yet?
I cringed when the man God sent into my life to deliver me from my hidden shame asked me that same question.
A year ago when we moved back to CA I lifted the remaining parts of my brokenness up to God and I said, "Lord, I don't even know where to begin with THIS. I want it gone but I can't do it in my strength. You are gonna have to help me with it Father because I don't even know where to start."
The remaining pile of YUCK that was still in my heart had to do with my close family member. When we moved back to CA, the Lord provided a wonderful home for us and its location was relatively close to this persons house
All my life, I have lived at least 8 hours away from them. Given where the Lord planted us, I knew He was up to something and that in His own perfect timing, He would resolve the YUCK in my heart.
Sister, can you relate?
Is there something on your heart that's so hidden and heavy, you don't know how to deal with it? Have you come to believe that you just have to "live with it" for the rest of your life? Are you stuck in shame and regret because of it?
If so, FREEDOM can start today.
This past month, GOD has been ON THE MOVE.
Two weeks ago I received a phone call from my longtime friend, Stewart. I hadn't heard from him in over a year so I was surprised to see his name on my caller ID.
I answered the phone and we reconnected for a few minutes and then he said, "Kristin, I have to tell you that the other day I was in a deliverance ministry workshop and as I was praying the Holy Spirit showed me YOU. I really think the Lord wants you to meet the man who is hosting this program."
I wasn't sure how to respond.
I trust Stewart and his relationship with the Lord so I agreed to meet with this guy but I wasn't sure what this whole thing was actually about. Sure I had lifted that prayer up to God 6-12 months ago but other than this last pile of YUCK in my life, I felt REALLY great!
A couple of days passed and I hadn't heard anything from Stewart when out of the blue I got a "ding" on my phone. It was a text from Don, the "deliverance guy." He said that "he only does what the Holy Spirit prompts him to do and after praying, he thinks God wants us to meet."
At this point, if I am being honest, I felt a little cornered...but a little curious too...So I prayed about it, lifted it up to the Lord, and I told Don the days, times, and places I could meet. From there, I trusted that if it was God's will, He would make it happen.
Needless to say, the next day, Don and his wife spent the afternoon at our house for a memorial day BBQ. As we talked, Don said, "Yeah, I specialize in helping people with father issues."
What?!? I just about fell off the couch.
Had the Lord literally just sent a man (that He anointed) to come to my house and remove the giant pile of YUCK in my heart? Yes, apparently, He had. The next day, the Lord also anointed time for us to talk in more depth on the phone. After meeting him the day before I felt a lot better about opening up to him and letting the Holy Spirit lead our conversation.
Sister, I had NO IDEA what was about to happen next...
About 15 minutes into the conversation Don said, "Kristin, I need to ask you an adult question." Sure I said, "Shoot!" He then said, "Tell me the one thing you've never told anyone or that you've only told 1-2 people."
"Uhh what? Ugh, gosh...that's a really hard one Don" I said. "Yep, I told you it was an adult question." He replied.
"Well, I don't have anything I've never told anyone but there are some things that only a few people know." "Great, tell me those things." He said.
Beads of sweat began to roll down my face and my shirt. It took me a solid 5-10 minutes to build up the courage to be sincerely honest with him. I was clearly not prepared to answer THAT question.
Finally, I decided to trust the Holy Spirit and I spilled my guts. Anything the Lord brought to mind that I needed to confess and repent of I did, no matter HOW UGLY it was...three hours later, God was changing me from the inside out.
When the conversation was over, I was in shock over what had transpired. Could it really be? Could I really be FREE from ALL of THAT? After talking to Don and baring my soul, I realized that I had locked my six-year-old self in a dark room and covered her in shame and condemnation my ENTIRE life.
God didn't put her there, I did.
Growing up, I endured many forms of abuse. As a result, I did things as a child that were an abomination in God's eyes because I thought they were normal. I was so ashamed of these things that I hated my 6-year-old self my whole life.
Fortunately, that ALL CHANGED when JESUS walked into that room.
That day, Jesus walked into that dark room, scooped up that little girl and carried her out into the light.
I finally realized that I've been ashamed of her, but God wasn't because the cross paved the way for HER freedom too.
With tears rolling down my face I hung up the phone and walked down to the barn to see my husband. As I walked, I stopped for a moment and let the sunshine pour through the trees and wash over my entire body.
In that moment, my heart realized, "I don't have to run anymore." That little girl I hated, God LOVES, and for the first time in 29 years, I welcomed her home.
When I reached the barn my father in law took one look at me and the first thing he said was, "Hmm, Kristin, for some reason you look like a little girl today."
I burst out in tears and laughter.
"Yep, I am sure I do Bob. Today, I got my little girl back."
Sisters, is there a corner of your heart that is covered in darkness and shame? Do you have a secret that you think is too horrible to share or talk about?
If so, let me tell you from experience, there's nothing too dirty, too awful, or too horrible for JESUS.
Instead of running from our messes, God walks right into the darkness and washes it ALL clean with His love and light.
That day, God provided a divine appointment for my heart to find complete healing and deliverance from years of abuse. For the first time in my life, I felt God's LOVE for ME.
Sister, I want the same for YOU.
If you are reading this now, God didn't just send Don to break the chains on my heart, He sent Don so that I could write to all of you and testify that God wants the SAME FREEDOM FOR YOU!
If you have locked part of yourself in a dark, shameful corner too, and you feel covered with condemnation, I PROMISE you, Jesus is standing right outside the door waiting for you to let Him in so He can FREE you from it.
FREEDOM STARTS TODAY!
Sis, as you read this today if any of this resonates with you and you also long for freedom, I encourage you to ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and to show you any lies you've believed or any chains that are weighing you down.
As He leads you, lift those things up to Him, repent where needed, and invite His Spirit to do the same work in you that He has done in me.
I promise you, HE WILL!
With Love, Kristin